The Julius Black Chronicles....

Growing up in rural Alabama, there were only two things for young boys to do. Play football or get into trouble. Some of them were creative enough to do both. Then there was Julius. He managed to do neither. Julius was very reserved in his youth contending that despite the occasional bullying, he wasn't noticed anyway. Hard to believe when considering that at only 16 he was already 5'11 and 178lbs. He wasn't considered handsome because his hair was usually in unkempt braids. And he hated haircuts. Really he hated having to run into some of the other guys from school that teased him. He was awkward in his demeanor and slouched at every opportunity. He wasn't really into fashion or being trendy although his clothes, which remained unannounced by the absence of large obscene, brand labels, cost more than what some of the other kids were wearing thanks in whole to his financially secure parents. His self-made dad, whom Julius later came to regard as a man of both immense stature and influence in his life, was a senior partner with his corporate firm and his mom, already from a wealthy family and self-professed fashionista, made her own discreet fortune in real estate. Julius' parents were able to afford the best for their son but decided to allow him to experience life his own way. The one thing they wouldn't budge on was his repeated requests to go to private school. He argued that the kids there were less likely to ridicule him to his face and he can do his 'time' in relative solitude. His parents' rebuttal was that they wanted him to break out of his shell, and that he needed to be challenged in order to challenge himself to grow…

TONIGHT, WE ARE YOUNG

What is it about being young, wild, and free...and drunk, that makes you want to jump all around the club and on my feet!?

I went to Bar None recently to help celebrate a friend's birthday in the city and by the time I got home, I was exhausted from 2 stepping out from under people. The establishment, ahem, wasn't that big but what do you expect for a dive bar. I guess it helped to concentrate all the energy. The music, the drinks, the heat, and the close quarters attributed to the excitement I'm sure many a gentlemen (used loosely) felt.

Yep, that's it. It had nothing to do with the girl in the mixed colors of orange, blue and red tight, form fitting mini dress grinding on her friend in the tight black and white cat suit. Or the buxom brunette near the coat check giving a lucky young man a stand up lap dance. Nothing about her little black dress riding up her thighs nor her voluptuous bosoms threatening to break loose to engulf the masses. Even when I spotted another young lady in a red sweater pinning her gentleman of choice against the DJ booth, back arched, whining, while her guy grabbed handfuls of her breasts - a few times he teased onlookers by pulling her sweater down to reveal lots, and I'm talking LOTS, of cleavage - that didn't do much.

Who am I kidding!? You damn right all that grinding and skin got the libido going full swing (hey, maybe I can be a rapper). I must admit there were some very sexy young ladies and a lot of hormonal surging. Welcomed ass grabbing and groping, making out and all out head banging. I didn't notice if anyone was reserved in their flyness to not cut loose a bit. And I guess it was OK to ignore the drunk girls who managed to spill some of my drink while barreling their way through the crowd to find a spot on the dance floor. So, with that said I didn't mind terribly the people jumping up and down on my feet to We Are Young. We are young!

*photo courtesy of Bar None NYC

I JOINED A CULT

Not really but that depends on who you ask. Yes my faithful BB users, I've done the unthinkable. I had a toasted everything bagel smeared with peanut butter and a redbull for breakfast...oh and I got the taste for apples so I bought the iPhone 4S.

It was a hard decision to make but one that was necessary. Now I ask myself what took so long? My honey iPhone (Siri and I have pet names for each other, don't judge) is quite the amazing little bugger Apple has been professing all along. First, the camera. I think it's one of the best on the mobile market. Granted I'm not a lens expert or heavy into digital photography (thanks to my old 0.0 megapixel BB) but the quality and technology is evident to the naked eye. The touch keypad took some adjusting but now I'm just as fast with the same amount of typos like everyone else. I love the thousands of apps available, the processing speeds, just about everything. What I don't like is that it doesn't come with a word processing app or a babysitter. That sucks.

That's it for now, have to go back to work but I'll keep you posted if I find out new developments like Siri is really a man or something.

Ciao  

DEAR R.I.M,

This is to the top brass over at Research In Motion (RIM) that follow my blog religiously, or so I hope. When you finally get your act together next year and roll out your new line up of QNX powered smartphones, please, please find some new names. Some of us got sea sick with the most recent line up of 2 dozen Bolds, 4 touch Curves, 3 Torches 2 French hens and a partridge in a pear tree. Ok, so maybe you can keep the 'Bold' as it's been the flagship model but one is truly enough. I'm sure you can make it work for all carriers a la Apple iPhone 4S - yes that was a cheap shot - and that might help reduce manufacturing costs as well. And while we're on the subject, how about whoever gives the final "yes" try saying "no" for a change like the late great innovator's innovator Steve Jobs did - that was another cheap shot - until it's a real life betcha by golly wow (sorry, Prince is playing in my head) phone that screams "yes."

Allegedly, you used strong arm tactics to get carriers to accept your 75% completed phones in the past but now the tables have turned. There are better OSs, thinner, faster, sexier and more consumer friendly phones that trump the almighty BB Enterprise. And all you've done is axe thousands of jobs, lost key players and got so desperate your Playbook probably couldn't help a pee wee league football team score much less lock horns with the iPad. Today's word of the day boys and girls, REVAMP. Everything. Start with the 2 CEOs. As mentioned numerous times before, put them on the board then get young, fresh and rebellious.

Try some cool advertising too. Do you think the head honcho of a fortune 500 company is going to keep you afloat? Really!? There's a slew of entrepreneurs (hate spelling that word) and people creating everyday. Those are the guys you should be after. Not the old dude in his Brooks Brothers suit and cap toe Allen-Edmonds, but the dude with the tatts that decided to work for Microsoft instead of RIM because Bill Gates knows tatts don't write code, people do. In layman's terms, drop the stuffy corporate attitude, take off your jacket, loosen up your tie, step inside the booth Superman is still alive - oh wait, I digressed that was a Jay-Z line - but still you get the point, I hope. But back to the phones. Let your engineers go crazy with it and see if they can best themselves and in turn they'll best the competition. Remember though, get some new names sans the Bold.

REVAMP. Everything. Anyone over there thought about the BB website having a makeover? I don't think it would hurt to try, I mean it's not like you can't run a beta in a test environment. Look at Apple, Samsung or even LG, they're sites for mobile prods are engaging, bright, and entertaining. They have a lot of coolness running in the background. The flash content is flashy. Wow, I just said flash content is flashy...smh...I've been writing too long. Yes your phones are all black but the all black everything without any visual stimulation is kind of oh hum.

Listen, I've been a proud BB user for nearly 7 years but I'm at my wits end. If it wasn't for the flawed design on the iPhone 5 (yeah I said it) that prompted only the release of the 4S I would have been selling candy in the subway to pay for a tear drop 5. But alas, I must wait. I like what you've done in years past but those years have passed. Wake up, smarten up, freshen up and get on your Jobs. I have a lot more to say but time is running and my supervisor might be wondering why I'm so quiet. So, in parting I wish you the best and a rebellious comeback. Get like me and you could be cool too. REVAMP. Everything.

(Insert raised eyebrow emoticon and rabbit ears)

SWEET AND SOUR APPLE - FOLLOW UP

What a travesty!? This is a sham I tell you, a sham. If there was ever a more wanton display of consumer abuse and power in new era capitalism, I'd be shocked....Sooo, who else is pre-ordering the iPhone 4S with me on Fri. Oct. 7th?

Okay, granted after all this time, all the rumors, all the hoopla and crap you were anticipating an iPhone 5 with the secret decoder ring and Klingon phaser app but you have to admit Siri sounds sexy (don't judge me.) Truthfully, I waited it out to the end in case Tim Cook and Co. were going to pull an "oh, by the way" and unveil the 5 towards the end. But alas, the 5 is still merely a number invented by the number people centuries ago. Millions of the 4S will be sold worldwide as Apple's kung fu grip on the market gets more, umm, er, grippy. Good news folks, the 3S and 4 will still be around and at a bargain basement price. Just don't think you'll be loading either up with tons of apps, pics, vids and music. My suggestion, get your all time favorite video (1), a picture of the 2 closest people to you, your top 10 songs of the decade and a pencil and paper for your contacts because 8 gigs is really 2 gigs in a shiny box.

Well, it was a somewhat eventful and wasted hour of my life. Hey, come on now, wipe the schmuck look off your face and cheer up. With this announcement confirming no iPhone 5 this year that means we have a whole 12 months to gear up to go through the same mind numbing fiasco again in 2012. See you there.

*Peace sign*

SWEET AND SOUR APPLE

To borrow a phrase from Kevin Hart, Alright, Alright! So, the latest iteration of the iphone will be announced today at 10AM PST in Cupertino, putting an end to months of rumors (some crazy as hell) and speculations. Let's get the obvious out of the way. The iphone will sell...a lot. Duh! There are already millions of iOS users and many more in the coming weeks when retail stores physically have the goods to unload to hordes of salivating customers eager to get their grubby hands on Apple's new baby. Myself? Eh, I've been waiting patiently since April 17th when my contract with T-Mobile expired so what's a few more weeks of blistering fast turtle like speeds on my Blackberry curve.

The not so obvious about the new iphone? What will it be called. We've all heard it's the iphone 5 or 4s or it just might be two phones - one top shelf and one for budget conscious ballers. 8 meg cam, Assistant (voice to text, etc) near 4" screen, A5 chip, possible 1gb RAM, 1.2ghz (maybe,) NFC, tear drop design, it cooks, cleans and can pick up the kids from daycare. Heard there's an app for that. I jest. If this means an entirely new phone then champagne will fall from the heavens, the birds will sing in chorus and men everywhere will be forgiven for spending part of the rent on another piece of tech.

But if not, then shame on you sour Apple for making the people wait so long just to offer an updated version of your last phone (which in the proper context is what phone manufacturers do every year anyway *insert sarcastic look*) This scenario would be devastating to the kiddies. Someone might actually jump off a cliff or the nearest curb. Either way, Apple wins and wins big. The biggest loser in this is T-mobile. If it wasn't for the fact that T-mobile is worth more than my entire collection of Yankee fitteds I might actually feel bad for them "...not getting the iphone 5 this year." Oh well, stay tuned boys and girls. Plenty more to come later around 1pm EST based on what's said at Apple's 'Let's talk iphone' event. But, umm, don't look for an update here, I'll be counting my ones to see if I can actually buy an iphone 5 or 4s or 4+5, whatever.

Deuces.

ALPHA or A-HOLE

     As it was in the beginning - Alpha males have been around since forever. What's an Alpha male? Depends on whom you ask really, for some, an over confident, self indulged, successful asshole comes to mind. Some think about a ladies man, I don't want to get into a debate with myself because its no fun, like trying to have sex with yourself (for guys at least). Instead of defining it with a pigeonhole thought I prefer to look at what comprises an Alpha male, hopefully we can clear up any misconceptions.

     Confidence. That's huge, you hear women talk about it like Sunday sermons, confidence is a turn on. But not just for women, also for people you're around or doing business with. It shows you're sure of yourself and your abilities whatever they may be. Speaking with regard to women, ask your girl or lady friend their thoughts on it but make sure you clear your day first.

     Leadership. A good leader has direction and determination and can make sound decisions in a timely manner. A great leader is defined by the difficult decisions HE ultimately makes and accepts responsibility right or wrong, good or bad. In a relationship with a woman, the Alpha will have that aura of leadership but the key...pay attention...the key is he knows when its time. As a leader, take President Obama for a sec, when he's meeting with heads of state he has a purpose, there's something he is intent on accomplishing BUT that doesn't mean he disregards what the other person is about. With regard to a woman, whatever your attraction to her is, an Alpha male keeps that in focus but he also knows to take time and find out about the woman of his desire so he knows how interact with her. Remember it’s cool to joke and have fun but those have to stop at some point and get to the seriousness of the situation, have some couth and substance.

     Courageous. Babies are extremely courageous, there is no adventure known to man that scares a baby. It’s the unknown that drives them, likewise with an Alpha male. He doesn’t do things with a safety net, he doesn’t press forward only if there is a guarantee of success instead he presses on at risk to be successful. Some guys won’t approach a woman because she’s sooo beautiful she couldn’t possibly be interested in them (only an excuse because you’re afraid to get the brush off). Or their actions with and towards women haven’t changed since high school then wonder why they can’t get a woman, the prospects of dating a high school girl now is daunting with some of the 300lb hairy dudes locked up already but yet they're afraid to try something different. Look, there isn’t much we can be certain of in life so why live in falsehood of it. Why not, as the Alpha male, accept it and make a move. Try something new, do something differently, but whatever it is just know that it’s okay to fail. Failure is one step closer to success and Alpha males understand this.

     Professionally and personally Alpha males get the job done. If you’re reading this and would like to become an Alpha male please send a $19.95 Travelers check or money order to PO BOX…just kidding. Be nice but not to the point where you get too deep in the other person’s emotions and leave your cahones on the nightstand. But don’t be an asshole with asinine tactics that’s tacky. Do what you know with confidence and direction but know when to take a moment to listen and learn. Fun and jokes have a time and a place, however, women don’t have time for immature thoughts and actions and neither does Alpha males.

Be great, one.